hi, i just googled in 'God i am desperate' and your blog came up. i have such a dysfunctional family and i cannot help in any way. i try but nothing helps. there is addiction upon addiction. it is very hard to live a 'normal' life when everyone in my family is not 'normal'. i am never truly at peace. i am happily married with 3 great kids and my family is wonderful -- but my birth family is a totally different story. i just pray and pray and nothing, nothing is ever resolved or settled in any way.
it is very hard and sad. i don't think God hears me.
Anonymous, I have no idea how true any of your statement is, but I will answer as if it is. First of all, are you a believer, do you want to be? God loves you and he loves your family, but you must know God in a personal way to be able to understand how he is working in your life. He hears your prayers, but you are not hearing him. You must get to know God and know how he works so you can see him in your life. God doesn`t wave a magic wand and make all of us wake up and do right. We all have choices. Your family chose their way of life. Their addictions were wrong choices and they are suffering the results of those choices. The sad thing is, so are you, but the good thing is, you have the choice not to be pulled into their suffering. Anyway, the first thing you need to do is allow Jesus to take over your life. Make him your focus, not your family. I worked for several years on an addiction, co-occuring unit, so believe me when I say, "you can`t help them until they relize they need help". You can pray for them, love them and be there when they fall, but only to pick them up, not to hold onto them forever. You say you have a happy family and a good marriage with 3 great kids, yet you are not at peace and it is hard to live a normal life. Listen, If you want your children to continue to be happy, and functional then you need to make right choices. If you don`t you are going to spend your life trying to make your dysfunctional birth family functional and perhaps end up the same way. Honestly if it were my family and I was that unhappy and constantly worried and unable to to stay uninvolved, I would move my family away. If you accept Jesus as your savior and get into a Bible believing church and learn that the only way to find peace is through Christ, because you see, he IS peace, he IS love and he will give that same peace and love to you. Your immediate family needs for you to be at peace and they must be your focus now. Face it,you are desperate, weak and powerless without God and you can do nothing for your birth family until you find strength in Christ and have the power to love them and the freedom to walk away when you need too. Right now you are in bondage to them and their behavior and too co-dependant to be healthy. Go get Jesus, walk with him until you know that he is who he says he is. Allow him to set you free, forgive your family, learn to love them with a healthy love. Love your husband and children like you never have before. I will be praying for you to take that 1st step.
thank you for your reply. i will read it a few times to let it sink in.
i do not live close to my birth family so that makes things better for my husband and kids. every time we visit them and an episode of one kind of another happens my kids say 'mom you are the only normal person in your family'
my kids are all teens.
i know one thing. there is no way for this pain to go away -- even if I 'find Jesus'. I believe i already have found him -- but i don't beleive that means all the pain in your life goes away.
Anonymous, you say you have found Jesus but you don`t think that he can take your pain away. As long as we live on this earth we will have proplems and difficulties, but we don`t have to live with continuous emotional pain. Part of the problem is that you have already decided that nothing is going to help, there is no answer, nothing can take away your pain.
First, spend time with Jesus, not to just pray but to also listen. Keep your mind focused on him, read his word, get to know who God is and believe that he is able to take your pain away if he desires too. You need to be willing to learn about him. You also need a support system, besides your husband and kids. Get into church, find friends who are encouraging and love the Lord. Learn to identify with Jesus, not your birth-family.
I have no idea exactly what is going on with your family to keep you upset and worried, but I should not let them make me co-dependent on them. When you are around them, you need to set limits for them to follow, take control of your life by not allowing your family to mess with your emotions. By limits, this is what I would say to them, "Mom, dad we want to come visit, but as a family we have made some decisions. When we come to visit, we don`t want you to drink or take drugs. We don`t want you to yell and scream at each other. We want to enjoy being with you and if you cannot do these things for us then we will not be visiting you until you decide that you can. We cannot have this kind of behavior around our kids any more. We love you and hate that we have to set limits on our visits, but the choice is yours". I am just using these as examples from your first post.
4 comments:
hi,
i just googled in 'God i am desperate' and your blog came up.
i have such a dysfunctional family
and i cannot help in any way. i try
but nothing helps. there is addiction upon addiction. it is very hard to live a 'normal' life when everyone in my family is not 'normal'. i am never truly at peace.
i am happily married with 3 great kids and my family is wonderful --
but my birth family is a totally different story. i just pray and pray and nothing, nothing is ever
resolved or settled in any way.
it is very hard and sad.
i don't think God hears me.
Anonymous, I have no idea how true any of your statement is, but I will answer as if it is. First of all, are you a believer, do you want to be? God loves you and he loves your family, but you must know God in a personal way to be able to understand how he is working in your life.
He hears your prayers, but you are not hearing him. You must get to know God and know how he works so you can see him in your life. God doesn`t wave a magic wand and make all of us wake up and do right. We all have choices. Your family chose their way of life. Their addictions were wrong choices and they are suffering the results of those choices. The sad thing is, so are you, but the good thing is, you have the choice not to be pulled into their suffering.
Anyway, the first thing you need to do is allow Jesus to take over your life. Make him your focus, not your family. I worked for several years on an addiction, co-occuring unit, so believe me when I say, "you can`t help them until they relize they need help". You can pray for them, love them and be there when they fall, but only to pick them up, not to hold onto them forever.
You say you have a happy family and a good marriage with 3 great kids, yet you are not at peace and it is hard to live a normal life. Listen, If you want your children to continue to be happy, and functional then you need to make right choices. If you don`t you are going to spend your life trying to make your dysfunctional birth family functional and perhaps end up the same way. Honestly if it were my family and I was that unhappy and constantly worried and unable to to stay uninvolved, I would move my family away.
If you accept Jesus as your savior and get into a Bible believing church and learn that the only way to find peace is through Christ, because you see, he IS peace, he IS love and he will give that same peace and love to you. Your immediate family needs for you to be at peace and they must be your focus now.
Face it,you are desperate, weak and powerless without God and you can do nothing for your birth family until you find strength in Christ and have the power to love them and the freedom to walk away when you need too.
Right now you are in bondage to them and their behavior and too co-dependant to be healthy.
Go get Jesus, walk with him until you know that he is who he says he is. Allow him to set you free, forgive your family, learn to love them with a healthy love. Love your husband and children like you never have before. I will be praying for you to take that 1st step.
thank you for your reply. i will
read it a few times to let it sink
in.
i do not live close to my birth
family so that makes things better
for my husband and kids. every time
we visit them and an episode of one kind of another happens my kids
say 'mom you are the only normal person in your family'
my kids are all teens.
i know one thing. there is no way
for this pain to go away -- even if
I 'find Jesus'. I believe i already have found him -- but i don't beleive that means all the pain in your life goes away.
Anonymous, you say you have found Jesus but you don`t think that he can take your pain away. As long as we live on this earth we will have proplems and difficulties, but we don`t have to live with continuous emotional pain. Part of the problem is that you have already decided that nothing is going to help, there is no answer, nothing can take away your pain.
First, spend time with Jesus, not to just pray but to also listen. Keep your mind focused on him, read his word, get to know who God is and believe that he is able to take your pain away if he desires too. You need to be willing to learn about him. You also need a support system, besides your husband and kids. Get into church, find friends who are encouraging and love the Lord. Learn to identify with Jesus, not your birth-family.
I have no idea exactly what is going on with your family to keep you upset and worried, but I should not let them make me co-dependent on them. When you are around them, you need to set limits for them to follow, take control of your life by not allowing your family to mess with your emotions. By limits, this is what I would say to them, "Mom, dad we want to come visit, but as a family we have made some decisions. When we come to visit, we don`t want you to drink or take drugs. We don`t want you to yell and scream at each other. We want to enjoy being with you and if you cannot do these things for us then we will not be visiting you until you decide that you can. We cannot have this kind of behavior around our kids any more. We love you and hate that we have to set limits on our visits, but the choice is yours". I am just using these as examples from your first post.
I will continue to pray for you. Carole
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